Grandparents can play a pivotal role in supporting their grandchildren during the challenging times of their parents’ divorce. Here’s a list of ideas, tips, and strategies for grandparents to consider.
How to Help Grandchildren Through Divorce
Create a Calm Environment
In the storm of emotions that often accompany a divorce, a grandparent’s home can serve as a sanctuary. This means keeping conflict and adult conversations out of earshot.
Try to maintain a routine in your home, like regular meal times or bedtime rituals, to offer predictability.
Engage in calming activities like reading together or walks in the park.
The goal is to make your home a place where your grandchildren can relax and feel secure.
Provide Unconditional Love
Let your grandchildren know that your love for them is unwavering, no matter the circumstances.
Remind them that the divorce is not their fault and that they are loved by all their family members.
Be a consistent presence in their lives, showing up for school events and extracurricular activities. Provide a listening ear without judgment, allowing them to express their feelings.
Small gestures, like hugs or notes of encouragement, can also go a long way in showing your love.
Stay Neutral
It’s vital to refrain from negative comments about either parent, as this can create inner conflict for the children.
Encourage a healthy relationship with both parents, regardless of your personal feelings.
Be a role model by demonstrating respect and understanding toward both parents in the presence of your grandchildren.
If they ask difficult questions, steer the conversation toward the love that both parents still have for them.
Remember, your role is to support your grandchildren, not to influence their opinions on family matters.
Maintain Routines
Keeping the same schedule as before the divorce can minimize the sense of disruption in your grandchildren’s lives.
Continue with regular outings or activities you shared, be it a weekly movie night or a monthly trip to the library.
Consistency in your interactions provides a thread of continuity that can be deeply comforting.
Respect the routines they have with their parents too, and coordinate to ensure consistency.
Stability in their schedule can provide a sense of control amidst change.
Be a Safe Haven
Create an environment where your grandchildren feel they can share their worries and joys.
Encourage open communication by asking open-ended questions and listening more than you speak.
Assure them that your home is a neutral zone where they won’t be quizzed about their parents’ situation.
Avoid making them messengers or asking them to take sides. Your role is to provide love and support, not to gather information.
Flexibility
Be open to new ways of celebrating family time that fit within the new family structure.
You might need to be more spontaneous, adjusting plans based on the new schedules the parents set.
Be understanding if plans fall through or if the grandchildren need to vent about changes. Offer to help with transitions.
Your adaptability can ease the strain on everyone involved, demonstrating that you’re a reliable source of support through the changes.
Manage Your Emotions
As a grandparent, when your child goes through a divorce, you’re likely to feel the impact too. You’ll have your own mix of emotions to deal with.
It’s normal to have strong opinions, often critical, about your son-in-law or daughter-in-law’s actions, and you might even see fault in your own child.
No matter where your sympathies lie, it’s vital that you refrain from making negative remarks about the divorce.
Make sure your grandchildren aren’t within earshot when you discuss your feelings with others. Don’t discuss these matters over the phone if there’s even a slight chance your grandchild could be listening.
Expressing these feelings can unintentionally create tension between your grandchild and their parents, and that’s the last thing they need during such a vulnerable time.
My Friends’ Story
My friends, JoAnne and Tom, went through a tough divorce last year. It was their kid, 10-year-old Ryan, who seemed lost in the shuffle. But it was JoAnne’s parents who stepped in and made all the difference.
Every Friday, Ryan would spend the night at his grandparents’ house, just like he did before the divorce. Every Saturday, they would take a long walk in the nearby park.
Even with the family dynamics changing, Ryan’s grandparents kept things consistent, never speaking negatively about either parent in front of him.
They made sure Ryan felt heard and loved, providing a sense of normalcy and routine amid the chaos.
Conclusion
Navigating the choppy waters of divorce is never easy, especially for the youngest members of the family. Grandparents can be pillars of stability for their grandchildren.
Your unwavering support, love, and a listening ear are key comforts during this transition. By offering a steady hand and a safe haven, you help your grandchildren navigate these changes with confidence and security.
Your role is a treasure, strengthening the family ties that hold fast through life’s storms.