Grieving the loss of a grandparent is a very personal journey, and the timeline can vary widely from person to person. Around the one-year mark, many people start to experience some relief from the acute pain of loss.
This doesn’t mean you’ll be over the loss of your grandparent but the intensity of your feelings may lessen.
You might find that you’re able to think about your grandparents with more fondness and less pain.
Stages of Grief
It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, from sadness and anger to relief, especially if your grandparent has been ill for a while.
Acute Grief
Initially, you might experience acute grief, which can be intense and overwhelming. This phase is full of strong emotions and can last for weeks to several months.
During this time, you may feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, which is completely normal.
Integrated Grief
As time goes on, you enter into what is known as integrated grief. This form is more subdued and represents the long-term process of living with the loss.
You’ll begin to adjust to life without your grandparents, but you might still have moments of sadness, especially on significant dates like anniversaries or birthdays.
For some, this process can take a year or longer, and that’s okay.
There’s no “right” period to grieve, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to move on by a certain time.
What’s important is giving yourself the grace to feel your emotions as they come and to seek support when you need it.
The Kübler-Ross Model of Grief
The Kübler-Ross model of grief includes five core emotional experiences that people tend to go through after a significant loss. They’re not linear and can happen in any order, sometimes recurring or overlapping: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Denial
Initially, you might react to the loss of your grandparent with shock or disbelief. It’s like a defense mechanism to numb the initial wave of pain.
You may catch yourself thinking, “This can’t be happening,” even when you know it’s true.
Anger
As the shielding effect of denial starts to fade, the pain re-emerges, and you might feel angry. This anger can be directed at anyone—the doctors, yourself, your grandparents for leaving, even a higher power.
You might think, “Why them? Why now?”
Bargaining
In this stage, you might find yourself consumed by thoughts of what you could have done differently to prevent the loss or alleviate your grandparent’s suffering.
It’s common to get stuck on “If only…” statements or “What if…” scenarios.
Depression
As the reality of the situation truly sets in, you may feel a deep sense of sadness and loss. Activities you once enjoyed might not interest you anymore, and you might prefer to be alone with your memories.
During this time, you might reflect deeply on the experiences you had with your grandparents.
Acceptance
This is not about feeling okay with the loss but rather accepting it as a reality. You understand that your grandparent is gone and start to adapt to life without them.
You may begin to think about the future and consider how to move forward.
It’s important to note that these stages are not a roadmap for grief.
You might not experience all of them, or you might experience additional emotions. Grief is an individualized process.
Remember, grief can also be complicated by other factors, like your relationship with your grandparents, other stresses in your life, and your personal coping style.
Some days will be easier than others, and sometimes you may feel like you’ve taken a step back in your grieving process.
That’s all part of the journey.
Seek Support
If you find that your grief is making it difficult to function in your daily life for an extended period, or if your grief is compounded by feelings of depression or anxiety, it might be helpful to speak with a mental health professional.
They can provide support and strategies to help you navigate your grief in a healthy way.
Grieving the loss of a grandparent is a deeply personal process, and what matters most is finding what helps you cope through this challenging time.